Rack and ruin
I'D WRITTEN UP a little
certificate:
I, MARTIN AMIS, HEREBY ACKNOWLEDGE THAT CHRIS WRIGHT BEAT ME AT POOL, FAIR
AND SQUARE.
SIGNED ________
DATE ________
A bit presumptuous, maybe. But I did, I meant to beat him. A lot rested on
it.
Amis is, of course, a very successful writer. He is also a very competitive
pool player, and a good one. "Earthquake Amis," he calls himself.
I myself am not a very successful writer. But I'm not a bad pool player. Then
again, I'm not a good pool player: I'm a flighty pool player, able to miss the
sitter and sink the triple-bank combo with equal facility. But I'm usually a
more successful pool player than I am a writer, so it was very important that I
beat Amis at pool.
That, at least, was my logic as I prepared myself for the big match: Earthquake
Amis v. Flighty Wright. Single game, straight eight ball, winner take all.
Having won the toss, Flighty got the break. Tink. The cue ball
approached the other balls tentatively, reluctantly -- like a shy person at a
party. It didn't so much break the balls as jostle them. In the silence that
followed, Amis stood there, chalking, appraising the table as if it were a
chess board.
I told him my situation. I needed this one.
"I'll see what I can do," he said.
What he could do, it turned out, was play extremely well. Oh Jesus.
People have told me that when I am lining up a pool shot, the expression on my
face is one of severe constipation -- all grimace and scowl. Earthquake didn't
look that way at all: his expression was solemn, intent -- a gunfighter's face.
No mercy.
The first few minutes of the game were a blur of super-pristine shots: plop,
clack, plop-clack, clack-plop, plonk. I don't know -- four, maybe five
balls went down before my turn came. Stay cool, I said to myself.
I stayed the opposite of cool. I stayed jittery. And I seemed to
have pioneered a new style, one where you swing the stick rather than stroke
it. Amis, meanwhile, remained extremely gracious, saying "Good shot" every time
I came within a foot of a pocket.
The only bright spot was that the cue ball, in its chaotic journey around the
table, tended to settle in positions that made it difficult for Amis to get a
clear shot. We plodded on with this game of hide-and-seek for what seemed like
months. Maybe I would simply wear him down, bore him into submission. And
then . . .
It's hard to describe what happened next. It was like the climactic scene in
The Karate Kid, where Ralph Macchio taps into latent reserves of
strength and courage. It was like a miracle. Chariots of Fire. Like
Lazarus, like Bill Clinton's 1992 presidential campaign. It was a full-fledged
return from the dead.
In slow motion, bathed in a blaze of golden light, Flighty began sinking balls.
If there had been a crowd, it would have been on its feet. If there had been
music, it would have been a crescendo of strings. And then, when it came down
to the eight ball, everything would have gone quiet. Beads of sweat would have
formed on Flighty's brow.
Well, we had the sweat all right. Plenty of perspiration. And the odd "Good
shot" from Amis. And me going: "Oh God." And Amis muttering. And the PR person
fidgeting. And me again, lining up the eight ball, looking like I'm taking a
crap.
It was not an easy shot. The eight ball was on the cushion, about a foot from
the pocket. It was not an easy shot. Not with Martin Amis looking on. I toyed
with the idea of asking him to leave the room. But no. I took it. I took the
shot: gently, gently . . .
As I write this, I can see the little certificate hanging above my desk: I,
MARTIN AMIS, HEREBY ACKNOWLEDGE THAT CHRIS WRIGHT BEAT ME AT POOL, FAIR AND
SQUARE, signed and dated by Amis, with a slight amendment. The words BEAT ME
have been scratched out. The words LOST TO ME have been scribbled in.
After Amis had shaken my hand -- "Good game" -- and left, when I was all alone,
I set it up again: the black on the cushion, about a foot from the pocket.
There was nothing to be gained this time, and nothing to be lost. In the calm,
quiet room I lined up the shot, took it, missed.
-- CW
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