BAR SCENE

Somewhere so Fabulous

By Josh Rogers

If they’re not broadcasting team sports, television sets don’t belong in bars. They take away from the conversation, distract the pretty raven-haired girl who’s supposed to catch your eye, and most importantly, divert the bartender from bringing you a fresh Rum and Coke. But at Somewhere piano bar, 117 Spring Street in Portland, they’ve got the perfect bar-room show on their big screen bad boy. Mondays at 9 p.m., they’re airing brand new episodes of (drum roll) Absolutely Fabulous on Comedy Central.

The first episode (it premiered Monday night) amazingly featured all the characters from the original series. There was Edina doing half-assed yoga and consulting her new-agey “life coach” before cursing out horrified daughter Saffy. And chain-smoking Patsy injecting “parralox” into her face in a last-ditch effort to avoid wrinkles. After a long hiatus, the new Ab Fab did not disappoint. During the half-hour premiere there were 27 alcoholic beverages consumed, 18 cigarettes smoked, and 34 “sweetie darlings” uttered. And that’s just between Patsy and Edina.

Chris Cavanaugh, co-owner of Somewhere, came up with the idea to broadcast the program. Edina’s and Patsy’s campiness and outspoken humor are a hit with the queer community, says Cavanaugh. The reception on Monday night was great, he says. “I had a bunch of customers that couldn’t wait for it.” Besides, “I think they’re (Edina and Patsy) big vodka drinkers.” So look out for the vodka specials.

You can also cross your fingers for possible future airings of Showtime’s Queer as Folk and Oz, a show about prison that features several gay characters. For now, watch your favorite glamorous middle-age British has-beens get drunk, screw up, and fall down. The sound is piped in through the bar’s speakers and Ab Fab screens on both of Somewhere’s screens. The small one by the karaoke machine and the big, um, 27-incher over the bar.