Law of the lawn

Raiders of the lost jarts

By Sam Pfeifle

Independence Day is the best holiday for games players in New England. The weather is the most likely to be accommodating, and, unlike Monday holidays Memorial and Labor, it does not come at the end of a tiring long weekend. Barely removed from the solstice, the day is guaranteed to be a long one, and outdoor grilling lends itself to time-killing sport.

But, for passionate backyard gamers, it is also cruelly ironic. As a holiday perfect for sedentary, beer-friendly pursuits along the lines of Wiffle Ball, horseshoes, croquet, and bocci, it is a painful reminder of the one sport denied us: lawn darts. On this day, created to celebrate the freedom that is inherent in the American experience, we must lament the arcing metal beauty that was taken from us by our own federal government, namely the US Consumer Product Safety Commission, in 1988.

Yes, lawn darts — known by many as jarts (javelin + darts), the name of their most popular manufacturer — are illegal in all 50 states. And Canada. Not only can they not be manufactured, they can’t even legally be sold at yard sales or flea markets. (The CPSC, after a boy was injured by an old set, even issued an official statement just last year that remaining jarts sets should be destroyed.)

On eBay, they’ve been relegated as banned items. Handguns get similar treatment. Escaping the games police, online sellers have resorted to hawking “the box only, with plastic replacement fins” for $30 initial bids. Right. Like people would escalate the bidding to three times the opening bid to buy the box and fins. Or they’ll sell a “collectible lawn dart game” with the all-caps caveat, “THIS SET IS BEING SOLD AS A COLLECTIBLE. IT IS NOT FOR USE BY CHILDREN AS IT COULD CAUSE SEROUS INJURY OR DEATH IF A CHILD WAS TO BE HIT BY ONE OF THESE THINGS.”

When I was a kid, we quickly got bored with trying to get the lawn darts into the rings and keeping score. Rather, we made up a game that involved chucking the darts as high as we possible could and then running away screaming. That, I’ll admit, was dangerous. But none of us ever impaled ourselves.

In fact, upon research, it turns out that roughly 6700 emergency-room visits, and the deaths of three children, were attributed to jarts between 1978 and 1988. True, that’s three kids too many who aren’t playing anything right now. However, do we really want to start banning all games that lead to potential death? Football, which kills hundreds annually, would certainly be the first to go. Baseballs regularly collide with young skulls. Sonny Bono died skiing. Heck, hockey pucks kill fans. None of these sports, nor the manufacture of any of their component parts, have been banned.

But some schools have banned dodgeball, and now there’s word that a West Annapolis, MD, school has banned tag at recess — they say it violates their “no touching” rule. How are they supposed to give each other cooties?

Like the idea that a gently lofted metal dart toward a ground-based plastic ring could possibly be more dangerous than a baseball hurled at 70 mph by little leaguers, this is ludicrous stuff.

Luckily, some take it seriously. The folks who run jarts.com, particularly one Jeff Balta, are single-handedly keeping Jarts alive in the states. Not only will they be holding their 11th annual Jarts tournament in Piqua, OH, this August — it used to be held every July 4 weekend in the same location, but they apparently gained too much notoriety and FBI interest, so time and place had to be moved — but their site’s message board also acts as a clearinghouse for jarts-related paraphernalia. Of course, legal eagles, they would never actually support the sale of lawn darts in the US. That would be illegal!

For those truly taken by the jarts jones, there’s hope. Take a surf on over to the UK Web site www.gardengamesuk.com. There you will find advertised “the most exciting new game of the millennium”: Outdoor Darts. Balta evaluates them thusly on his site:

“Not knowing what to expect, I was a little disappointed at first when I opened up my Outdoor Darts. The fin and shaft are all one plastic piece, which means you can’t replace the fins if they should break. The tips that came on my set are steel, but are very blunt. I was skeptical that they would even stick in the ground. So, a friend and I played a game today and were pleasantly surprised. The rainfall here has been average lately, but the Outdoor Darts had no trouble sticking and threw quite nicely. The top of the shaft is shorter than a jart and, therefore, I thought I would have to change my handle on the dart. But I threw it the exact same way I throw Jarts and was hitting the middle of the ring in my normal fashion.”

Running about £35, the equivalent to about $55, Outdoor Darts are considerably cheaper than the increasingly pricey black-market sets you’ll find on the Web, which start at $70 for in-the-box original Jarts Missile Games. Franklin Yard Darts, Kent Lawn Darts, or Rocket Lawn Darts, considered inferior products, can be found for slightly cheaper.

Unfortunately, those of you looking to exercise your games independence with a game of jarts this July 4 will find this article too late. But, rest assured, I’ll be playing lawn darts in a secret location — my backyard.

Sam Pfeifle can be reached at spfeifle@phx.com. “Game On” tackles all manner of marginal sports and runs once a month.