EXIT WOUNDS

Go ahead, name an action-movie cliché — Steven Seagal is daring you to. A lone vigilante who’s shunned by his police department because he doesn’t play by the rules? A scene that takes place in a strip club? A bullet so perfectly fired by our hero that it causes an enemy helicopter to explode? Tom Arnold co-starring for comic relief?

They’re all here in Seagal’s return to the big screen after a three-year hiatus. Seagal fans who don’t work for the EPA will be glad that the Clint Eastwood wanna-be has ditched his environment-saving notions. The other 99.9 percent of the world’s population will just have to sit patiently as we review the plot of Exit Wounds. Seagal somehow sees through his squinted eyes that members of his Detroit police unit are involved in a massive drug scheme. With the help of his female police chief (oooh, the sexual tension!), he plans to catch his rogue colleagues selling heroin to an Internet-genius-turned-drug-dealer (played by rapper DMX). But his plans are foiled time after time as nothing is ever what it seems. Except one thing, of course: even when he’s handcuffed in the back of a truck going 80 mph, Seagal can still kick five guys’ asses. Bring your earplugs.

— Mark Bazer