CORKY ROMANO

Given that Chris Kattan is its star, you’d be forgiven for thinking this another mediocre Saturday Night Live sketch protracted into woefully bad feature-length. It’s not. (A) It has nothing to do with SNL. (B) It’s worse even than bottom-of-the-barrel exemplars of the genre like It’s Pat and Coneheads.

With his silly-putty mug and helium-inflected voice, Kattan is sometimes funny on television. Never here. In fact, nothing about this movie is funny. Not its bare-bones plot (Kattan, a cheery veterinarian partial to fruity ties and free hugs! one size fits all bumper stickers, is enlisted to pose as an FBI agent and burgle evidence incriminating his mob-boss father). Not the tired slapstick. Not the pratfalls. Not a snake sliding down Corky’s pant leg. Not Chris Penn and Peter Berg as (respectively) Corky’s latently homosexual and secretly illiterate brothers. Not Corky’s crotch, wired for sound. Not his heroic efforts to squeeze a fart into his brothers’ faces. Not even gruff and grizzled Peter Falk (the film’s only hint of a bright spot) spouting lines like “C’mere, you friggin’ retard.” This was Rob Pritt’s directorial debut; let’s hope he’ll learn from his mistakes. And let’s hope Chris Kattan decides to stick with TV. At the Maine Mall, Chunky’s-Sanford, Chunky’s-Windham, Lewiston, Saco, Wells, the Lilac Mall, and Salisbury.

— Mike Miliard