“You old poop!”

MainePlay resuscitates a familiar New England story

By Gibson Fay-LeBlanc

MainePlay Production’s On Golden Pond plays through April 29 at ACTS in Portland. Call 761-2465 for ticket or show information.

NOT SO POOPY: Muriel Kenderdine (Ethel) pleads with Linda Ford (Chelsea) in On Golden Pond.

Break out the plaid shirts, dungarees, fishing poles, bug spray, and George Winston’s Summer. Practice your campfire songs. Tap into your sentimental side and lower your cheese standard to just above a Hallmark card.

MainePlay Production’s On Golden Pond is a known quantity. Going in, it’s pretty clear what’s in store: a comically crotchety husband who fears death, conflict, heartstrings, and a neat little bow of an ending.

Predictability isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it is . . . well, predictable.

Those of us old enough remember Katherine Hepburn and Henry Fonda in the 1981 movie version of On Golden Pond. If you remember anything particular from it, it’s likely to be Hepburn calling Fonda an “old poop” and Fonda offering to “suck face” with his elderly wife at the end.

At the time of its release, On Golden Pond was criticized for being a bit simplistic, but Hepburn, Fonda, and writer Ernest Thompson all won Oscars that year. The movie was hailed as the last great performance by Fonda before his death in 1982.

With that standard set for them, MainePlay’s production of On Golden Pond does what it is supposed to do. Neither Bob Hazelton as Norman nor Muriel Kenderdine as his wife Ethel provide the same wattage as the original Hollywood pair, but they are believable as the elderly couple spending their 48th and possibly last summer at their beloved Maine cottage.

When Norman and Ethel’s somewhat estranged, grown-up daughter Chelsea shows up at the cottage for her father’s birthday with her new boyfriend Bill and his son Billy, one conflict becomes clear. Chelsea calls Ethel “Mommy” and calls her father, “Norman,” showing the lack of closeness between the father and daughter.

The story’s comedy derives from two sources: the character of Charlie, a backwoods Maine mailman; and Norman’s ill-tempered humor. After his arrival, Bill asks, timidly, if bears ever show up near the house. Norman replies, “Oh sure, black bears, grizzlies . . . one came around here last month and ate an old lesbian.”

Hazelton delivers Norman’s lines deadpan, while Kenderdine as Ethel worries about her husband’s memory losses, rift with his daughter, and lack of desire to fish.

Ethel attempts to rouse Norman with speeches like, “You’re my knight in shining armor. Don’t you forget it. You’re going to get back up on that horse, and I’m going to be right behind you, holding on tight”

And Norman responds, “I don’t like horses.”

It quickly becomes clear that the only person who can rouse Norman from his depression over his age and infirmity is (surprise!) the youthful Billy (Sam Trussell).

Of course, after Bill and Chelsea leave to travel Europe, Billy and Norman develop a close relationship based on fishing and addressing each other with nicknames like “cool breeze.” And of course, upon her return, Chelsea taps into her anger over never having that same closeness with her father.

The scenes between Chelsea (Linda Ford) and Norman are the weakest point of the production. Since these scenes are also the weakest part of the movie version, the fault lies not so much with the actors but with the script’s lack of depth.

Chelsea: “It just seems that you and me have been mad at each other for so long.”

Norman: “I didn’t think we were mad, I just thought we didn’t like each other.”

About ten seconds later, Norman and Chelsea are holding hands and have made up – 20 years of tension and bad blood washed away for good. Wouldn’t it be nice if it was that easy to heal a relationship?

The script and the direction of Michael J. Tobin, who doubles as Charlie, do provide the audience with tender moments. During Saturday’s performance, members of the audience reacted with audible sighs to scenes of Norman smiling at Billy despite himself or Ethel and her husband watching the loons teach their young. As long as you’re not the kind of cynical person who wretches after too much heartwarming, you’re fine.

The most realistic and striking scene in the play occurs when Norman has the dreaded (and expected, practically promised) heart attack. As Ethel frantically searches for his heart medicine, tries to call the operator for help, and can’t find her glasses to read the number of the hospital in the yellow pages, and Norman struggles on the couch, we sense, for the first time, how much these two people don’t want to lose each other.

That the scene ends with a gruff joke by Norman about being strong enough to go down to the water before leaving – “If I fall headfirst into the lake you’ll know I wasn’t” – and a platitude about death from Ethel – “And life will go on, won’t it?” – is fitting.

When Norman finally utters his infamous line, “Would you like to dance or would you rather just suck face,” it’s clear that this story could have no other ending. On Golden Pond is nothing more or less than a simplified walk into a family’s histories of summers at their cottage and an idyllic meditation on aging with someone you love. And that’s what MainePlay Productions delivers.

Gibson Fay-LeBlanc can be reached at riverbetweenus@hotmail.com.