Feeling Sassy My 10 sexiest men in Portland BY CAITLIN SHETTERLY

In light of recent election-related events, it seems trivial, maybe, to be celebrating 10 sexy guys in Portland like I think I’m People magazine or, worse, Sassy (does that thing still exist?). Sexiness is, by definition, a personal thing. Not being on this list does not mean your guy isn’t sexy — he may very well be. For me, I need to see someone laugh. I need to see how they walk, how they joke, how they treat my cat. I need to know they can be warm and sweet and smart and sharp all at once. But mostly I need to know them, at least a little. Not see them in a magazine or in a movie playing someone else, but being inexorably themselves. And I think this is why I feel these men are sexy. They all know who they are, they are all passionate about what they are doing with their lives, and they are all guys who I’m lucky enough to know. You might be lucky enough to know them, too.

Here they go. The order is not a rating.

1. & 2. Teo Doyle and Michael Seymour: Yoga teachers at Bikram Yoga, Portland. I not only get to see them prance around a hot studio in quad-baring shorts, but every once in a while they will even adjust my hot sweaty body in my own little tankini and boy shorts. Michael has this Northern California earthiness which is coupled with a mean knowledge of health and the human body which he finds the time, in between calling out postures, to impart. My first class with Michael, I still had not cried about my life tanking and how scared I had been since 9/11. He pushed a controlled but challenging workout and then read the poem "Wage Peace." I began to weep as I listened and as he guided us with his voice through the rest of the postures I felt I had met a true teacher. Teo has leading-man looks and a soothing charm that makes all the women swoon around him at the desk after class asking him to look at their new outfits or read books they love.

3. Staying in the Yoga vein, there’s this unbelievably hot guy named Xan, I think, who practices at the Bikram studio. Apparently he has a totally hot wife, too. But this does not stop a bevy of women from placing their mats near his, just hoping that some of his most-beautiful-man-in-Portland sweat might spring from his sweat onto their mats — or better yet, bodies.

4. Dana Street, the owner of Street & Co. and a co-owner of Fore Street, is totally hot in an urban-cowboy, LA kind of way. He reeks of slick producer (which he used to be), which is sexy because when you’re near him you feel full of possibility. I think someone once said power (or was it money?) is the greatest aphrodisiac . . . I mean, clearly Halliburton is sexy, right?

5. Chris Bowe of Longfellow Books can be described as "geek-chic in a metro kind of way" — not to mention he has one of the funniest, off-beat senses of humor and he’s wicked smart. He still needs to read my book, though, which is a demerit.

6. At Norm’s Downtown Lounge, there’s a waiter named Brahm, who has multiple piercings, saggy jeans, tattoos of things like the BMW icon, but, in what my girlfriends and I describe as a "Dirty Boy" kind of way, he exudes "fun roll in the hay" like he’d really know what he was doing in the sack.

7. My landlord Allan looks and sounds like Greg Brown, which puts him necessarily and immediately on this list because as far as I’m concerned Greg is the sexiest man alive. I haven’t heard Allan sing, but he does talk a blue streak, and he’s got this cowboy, rough-and-tough, bad-boy thing going, which gets a girl going (okay, yes, I have a weakness for cowboys). He’s got a few demerits, in my book — like he smokes too much and he still hasn’t put the dryer into the basement as promised — but you get over that because he’s so damn funny and goofy (plus he’s got two cute dogs) that you feel like you can handle waiting . . . and waiting . . . and waiting.

8. When I lived on Mellen Street, there was a UPS guy who delivered all my overnight packages, poorly-fitting bikinis from J. Crew and my boots that I ruined with waterproofer, and he was so sweet and so funny with these sparkly blue laughing eyes, I couldn’t wait to order more stuff on my credit card so he’d come to my door.

9. My friend Paul who’s a bouncer at Brian Boru is a big, loud, funny, smart, mouthy, outdoorsy-via-the-Upper-West-side-of-Manhattan kind of guy. He’s so sensitive and sweet, any girl who gets him will be lucky.

10. Todd, "creative director and co-founder" of SPACE. I don’t think I need to say any more.

Honorable mentions are the Armani-chic politico Paul Drinan and, although he should be thrown out of town for voting "no" on the bear-baiting question, the damn cute rep Ben Dudley.

Now. Our country is a mess. Let’s get all the sexy and unsexy people together and go get that motherfucking lying bastard impeached.

Caitlin Shetterly can be reached at bramhallsquare@yahoo.com