Thriving outside the bars (continued)

Noel Bonam, who moved to Maine in 2001, didn’t see himself fitting into any of those groups. But, as an advocate and worker for public health, he recognized that there was a void of gay social opportunities in Portland, a city that he believes is teeming with gay men. A little over a year ago, Bonam spent some time in Seattle to see what they were doing to mobilize the gay community socially around public health, and, he says, he wanted to return to Maine to see if he could duplicate programs.

"I originally thought that I would organize something around public health, a forum for people to learn about HIV, STDs, and other maladies that affect the gay community," says Bonam. Reaction to his idea surprised him — the people he contacted made it very clear that they didn’t want to do anything for public health, they were more interested in what public health could do for them. So he changed his focus.

"That was an eye opener for me," he says, "because I thought I was going to walk into a meeting and say, ‘Who wants to do what?’ and people said to me, ‘We don’t want to come back here repeatedly just to listen to HIV and STD information, we want something that is social that will help us build our community.’ "

Ta da! Thrive was born, and, as it name suggests, this Portland-based social group for gay men isn’t a flash in the pan. A few weeks ago, more than 30 people of all ages got together at the STD clinic on India Street to view Latter Days, a gay film that ironically focuses on the love that grows between a club kid and a young Mormon missionary who wants nothing to do with "the scene."

Bonam says that fiction is playing itself out in Portland where just about every age group and persuasion is turning out for Thrive meetings and events, whether they be movie nights or coffee shop round tables.

"I think that the reason why people are coming to the Thrive events is that they are different," Bonam says. "When you go to the bars, there is a certain culture, and once you walk out of the bar, how likely is it that you are going to go back up to someone that you met at the bar and be able to strike up a conversation? Socially, they are not conducive to that."

"At these event, you have an opportunity to really connect with someone," he says. "You’re there for a couple hours or more and there is some real-life connection. This is not a venue for hooking up, and people are realizing that. I’m sure that a lot of people that come to the meetings also use Manhunt and go to the bars, but this offers a different sort of social interaction."

How different? Well, sometimes the group does get together and talk about STDs, ’cause that’s important. Other times, they play volleyball or go bowling. Bonam says that they’re now planning gay contra-dancing and ballroom and salsa dancing for gay men.

"It all depends on the time of the year. For the summer, people are talking about camping and day trips," he says.

Skeptical? Sure you are. How could anything beat a night out at a Portland bar?

Well, Bonam says that what he is seeing is that a lot of gay guys, perhaps the ones that make Portland such a gay mecca, ones that can’t stand the bar crowd, are crawling out of the cracks to get a little social. I remind Bonam that, during the ’80s and ’90s, gay men did get together outside of bars, but most gay groups were activist groups based on AIDS or politics.

"That’s right. There weren’t so many social groups in the area," says Bonam. "But I think there seems to be a resurgence of this type of group again. Right now if you look at the groups that are growing and coming together, they are about moving away from very focused unilateral approaches to community. There aren’t a lot of positive ways for the community to do stuff, and it doesn’t always have to be politics or activism. We’re not New York City or San Francisco, and we don’t run into people at gay cafes and gay bookstores, we don’t have venues like that. So, I think that Thrive came from addressing that void, that gap. That has nothing to do with saying that the bars are a bad place to go, but it’s really bad when they are the only place to go in a town."

That said, Bonam, who is the Program Coordinator for the HIV/STD Program at the Public Health Division of the Department of Health and Human Services in Portland, admits that creating a safer environment for men to meet other men is a priority.

"From working where I work, I’m seeing a lot of people are testing positive right now for a whole range of STDs," he says. "That’s because gay men tend to connect with one another, or only have places to connect with each other, through sexual intimacy. That contact means so much to them, they will compromise their own health and their own safety and that’s why you see more infections. From a lot of the research that’s been done, suicide rates and depression are very high in the gay community, and part of that is due to the lack of a socially positive community."

And, with a schedule of events stretching well into the summer, and boasting crowds that range in age from as young as 20 and as old as 65, this little group that could may just be a welcome departure from not only the bars, but the cacophony of political groups that will soon be taking center stage with the task of defeating a ballot measure to strip a recent gay rights law.

"It’s about community, and where the community is moving," says Bonam, who is pleased with the direction his group is moving. "I’m hoping more and more people in the community will come and take a more active role, we need more people. What’s really nice is in the last month or so, I wasn’t even at the events, but I heard that at least 15 people showed up for each one. That’s how it should be."

Tony Giampetruzzi can be reached at tony@giampetruzzi.com

For more information about Thrive and their events, connect to www.thrivemaine.com