Controversy loves company BY AL DIAMON

What this state needs is a dose of apathy.

Imagine how peaceful Maine would be. We wouldn’t have to listen to those obsessed individuals (which is a polite way of saying kooks with unresolved gender-identity issues) who insist some of our citizens deserve to be fired from their jobs or kicked out of their apartments because of the sex of the people they sleep with. We could just relax and do our hating in private.

We wouldn’t be pestered by petitioners seeking to cap either Poland Springs’ wells or state spending. Referendum drives to do both are in their final stages, with one group seeking to slap a tax on bottled water and the other to slap limits on the budget. The first gang seems intent on driving one of the state’s largest employers out of business by making the all-wet argument that H2O is not a renewable resource. (So what are rain and snow for?)

The latter posse (of which, I confess, I’m a member) is trying to impose fiscal restraint on state government by passing a law limiting spending increases, something only a constitutional amendment could accomplish.

We wouldn’t have to sort out the cognitive dissonance infecting the odd coalition called No Slots For Me, which is collecting signatures to shut down the state’s only racino in Bangor, and prevent another from opening. No Slots is being fronted by the unlikely trio of former Governor Angus King, Christian Civic League executive director Michael Heath, and Green Independent Party loudmouth Jonathan Carter, a threesome that agrees on nothing except that the only thing worse for Maine than no jobs at all would be jobs in the gambling industry.

Meanwhile, the Passamaquoddy Indians are petitioning to allow a racino in Washington County. Do you really want to experience whatever legal hell awaits us if both No Slots and the Passamaquoddies win their respective, irreconcilable referenda? Wouldn’t you rather help pass out Ritalin to over-active activists?

A petition drive to stop higher taxes on cigarettes from taking effect failed recently (organizers claimed they got enough signatures, but lots of them were from nicotine-stained wretches who weren’t registered to vote), but some private clubs are talking about a referendum to overturn the law regulating smoking at the VFW, Elks, and Odd Fellows.

Speaking of odd, Heath has promised to collect signatures for some kind of same-sex marriage ban, even though such unions are already illegal in Maine. And don’t forget the anti-bear-baiting bunch, the anti-clear-cutting cadre, and the anti-term-limits team, any of which might launch another referendum campaign at the drop of a Twinkie, tree, or tantrum.

Of course, none of this nonsense would be necessary if we had a governor and Legislature that actually dealt with important matters. But controversial issues aren’t the sort of thing our politicians like to mess with. Better to ignore the problem (tax reform, budget increases), or pretend to do something (property-tax relief, health-care costs), or do something irrelevant (make Moxie the official state soft drink, give free any-deer permits to hunters aged 100 or over).

Better to grandstand, as Democratic Governor John Baldacci did when he sputtered on about price gouging on gasoline (how many prosecutions have there been?), and Republican legislative leaders did when they called for suspending the state gas tax (maybe they can pay for road maintenance with the fines on price gougers).

Better to say nothing of consequence, as GOP gubernatorial frontrunner Peter Cianchette did in announcing his second bid for the Blaine House (asked by a talk-show host whether he supported a spending cap on state government, Cianchette claimed he hadn’t read the bill, apparently forgetting he favored the idea in his first campaign), and Beth Nagusky, director of the state Office of Energy Independence and Security, did when she repeatedly told reporters she was "worried" about record-high heating-oil prices (I guess worrying keeps you from freezing to death).

Governing by referendum is a bad idea. But not quite as bad as not governing at all. Which is pretty close to where we’re at. And where it looks like we’ll still be after the next election, regardless of who wins. No wonder we’ve got so many stupid petitions cluttering up the landscape.

State Senator Peter Mills is one gubernatorial candidate with some bold ideas. Too bad he has only a slightly better chance than I do of winning the Republican primary. Dissident Democrats like state Representative Barbara Merrill have put forward some real proposals for saving money while preserving Maine’s rural character. Too bad more people pay attention to UPN’s prime-time line up than to what she has to say.

If there was more action in Augusta, there’d be more inclination toward good, old-fashioned apathy in Arrowsic and Agamenticus.

Not to mention, less anger.

If you can’t be bothered emailing me at ishmaelia@gwi.net, I can’t be bothered reading what you didn’t write.