Suspicious activity? BY AL DIAMON

I’ve got a sweet deal for you. More profitable than email schemes involving money laundering for the royal family of Kardiakarrestistan. Less hassle than getting the state Department of Health and Human Services computer to spit out Medicaid reimbursements. Easier to figure out than the November 8 ballot question that gives the fishing industry a tax break and everyone else a tax increase.

Become a political consultant.

The Maine public holds consultants in lower esteem than date rapists and the New York Yankees, but there is some compensation. Namely, money. And, thanks to the state’s Clean Election law, you’ll hardly have to do any work for it.

The state Commission on Governmental Ethics and Election Practices recently held a hearing, trying to figure out what happened to over $40,000 in public campaign funds given to two unsuccessful legislative candidates in 2004. Julia St. James of Hartford ran for the state Senate as a member of the Fourth Branch Party, receiving about $50,000 in Clean Election funds. Sarah Trundy of Minot, a member of the Green Independent Party, was a candidate for a House seat, tapping the public trough for about $4500. Although state law requires candidates to keep records of how they spend taxpayers’ money, neither St. James (who described herself as "a stoner with a head injury" and "a weed farmer") nor Trundy (who couldn’t remember who her opponents were) could account for most of that cash.

Trundy and St. James had something else in common. Both had given large amounts of their Clean Election windfalls to Dan Rogers of Auburn, who, along with Jessica Larlee of Minot, recruited the two candidates and agreed to run their campaigns. It’s unclear whether mailings and posters Rogers promised to produce ever happened because Rogers couldn’t be located for the hearing (although he’ll likely be compelled to testify in the near future). Larlee showed up and announced she was psychic, but her extrasensory powers apparently don’t extend to locating lost campaign receipts.

Fortunately, it doesn’t take ESP to detect financial possibilities in this twisted tale. Just convince a dozen of your most disreputable acquaintances (don’t choose anybody voters could take seriously because opponents might check into your spending reports) to run for the Legislature as independents or members of oddball parties (endorsements by the Keg Party are available for a small fee). Help them qualify for Clean Election funding. Then sign on as their political consultant at a handsome salary.

To avoid the problems that beset Rogers, make sure you print up some cheap posters ("Vote or Don’t — Whatever"), distribute some uninformative brochures ("I believes whatever you believe") and keep records ("Psychic predictions of voting results by Madame Loopeeloo: $5000").

As a result of the Rogers-related cases, House Majority Leader Glenn Cummings is proposing emergency legislation to prevent Clean Election candidates from spending more than 25 percent of their funds on consultants. But that would still allow you to collect over $1000 from each House candidate and in excess of $12,500 per Senate hopeful. Even after deducting expenses (herbs from Julia St. James, memory course from Sarah Trundy), you’d still clear as much as whoever invented the new state system that makes it impossible to renew your driver’s license.

ALMOST HONEST

Last week’s column requires clarification, which is a polite way of saying I sure write bad.

I inadvertently conveyed the impression that potential gubernatorial candidates P. James Dowe and Mark Call were seeking public funding for their long-shot gubernatorial bids. Call has said he opposes using taxpayer money to pay for political campaigns. Dowe doesn’t seem to have commented on the subject.

The point I was trying to make is that the Clean Election Fund allows fringe candidates with no experience to run for governor with relative ease, with each one that qualifies representing a potential cost to the public of more than $1 million. Since I wrote that column, at least two more unlikely gubernatorial hopefuls, Alex Hammer of Bangor and Bobby Mills of Biddeford, have filed for the Blaine House race.

It’s a great way to earn extra cash for the holidays.

In my column two weeks ago, I wrote that ex-gubernatorial candidate Peter Cianchette shoved aside a couple of other Republican candidates in a 2000 state Senate race. Cianchette then withdrew, leaving the GOP without a strong contender, causing the party to lose a crucial seat. That was "absolute and total fiction," Cianchette wrote in an email. "Revisionist history can make a good scapegoat for someone [and here he names a political operative he suspects is my source] but more importantly, this time it placed blame where none is deserved."

For the record, I stand by the column. And it stands by me. We’re very close.

I’m also standing by my computer, waiting for your emails to ishmaelia@gwi.net