To Joe and Jerry Why I'm not really looking forward to the playoffs BY SAM PFEIFLE

I do believe firmly in the jinx, so this is a column that I shouldn’t be writing, but, with a firm belief also in the awareness of a jinx undoing that very jinx, I’ll write it anyway.

Don’t believe in jinxes? Then you weren’t watching the Red Sox lose to the Yankees on Sunday, and you didn’t hear Jerry Remy presage the Bernie Williams at-bat with this little gem: "Of course, with Suppan, you’ve always got to worry about the long ball." Bam. Two-run homer. Ballgame essentially over.

What’s the jinx here? Well, I’m going to state categorically that the Sox are going to the playoffs. I’m not saying they’ll take the division — though I’m not ruling it out — but, with a game and a half over Seattle in the wild card, and standing just a half-game behind Oakland, the fact that those two teams must play another six times virtually assures the Sox of a wild card berth as long as the team plays a little better than .500 ball the rest of the way. Plus, as of this writing on Monday, the Sox have 20 games left, 14 of which are against the Devil Rays and the Orioles, teams that play the Sox tough, but aren’t exactly world beaters.

And if you want to talk about jinxes, how about the fact that Oakland put playoff tickets on sale Monday. Ask the Sea Dogs how that worked out for them.

Anyway, this isn’t a column about the playoffs, it’s about why I won’t watch them if the Red Sox make it. After a pair of weekends where the Saturday Sox/Yankees games have been broadcast by Fox, and not NESN, I know that when the Fox playoff broadcasts come around, I’ll be listening to good old Joe Castiglione and Jerry Trupiano on the Big Jab. In comparison to NESN’s regular team of Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo (who’s not great, but is getting better), the national TV guys are simply horrible, nay, unwatchable.

There’s a great WJAB self-plug that runs along these lines, actually, with Tom Caron (TC to NESN fans) talking about how most markets consider their team on the national broadcast a treat, but Sox fans miss Remy. He’s right. My wife is now a certified Sox fan, only because of Jerry Remy, Sean McDonough, and Wally the Beanbag Buddy.

And it’s not just because the national guys don’t root for the Sox, as Orsillo, McDonough, and Remy do — their paychecks come from the team, after all — it’s that they just don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. Did you watch Dick Stockton and Tim McCarver on August 30? Sure, Stockton has cred from his three years as Channel 38 broadcaster (1975-’78, he called both the Fisk and Dent home runs), but the man sounded positively addled during the game. How many times did I hear things like, "And Pettitte sets the Yankees down in order"? McCarver just blabs on and on, and is always wrong. People think he’s good because he sounds like he knows what he’s talking about, but he was consistently mistaking Pedro’s change-up for his fastball, which should just never happen, and refused to acknowledge the fact that Pedro even has a cutter.

With Fox, you miss the first pitch of every half-inning because they’re so busy cramming in commercials. There are so many graphics and tie-ins that you miss at least five or six other pitches throughout the rest of the half-inning. How about that "Virtual Manager" promo? How is answering the question, "What is your favorite Red Sox-Yankees moment" virtually managing anything?

Joe Buck, son of legendary Cardinals announcer Jack Buck, isn’t much better. He sucks up to McCarver (who was a very mediocre player, and a just-plain-poor hitter) the whole time and is prone to singing along with Wilson Phillips songs being played during broadcast features. Plus, his voice sounds absurdly fake, like it’s being relayed through one of those giant plastic horns you get at the circus.

The two of them laugh at their own jokes so often they’ve got to be three or four martinis deep before the game even starts.

So, even though I’ve got a very good feeling about the chances of the Sox going to the Series — Pedro and Lowe could go unbeaten with the lineup the Sox are sporting — I’ll stick with the WEEI Radio Network, streamed through good old WJAB. Not that the radio broadcast is a total walk in the park — Castiglione and Trupiano ("Trupe") trade off innings, and as good as the Cat is, Trupiano is horrendous. He screams "way back" (a weak signature call as it is) every time there’s a fly ball to shallow center, and insists on regaling us with witty gems like "Zito faces Zambrano in the A’s/Devil Rays game — ZZ Top will be playing the national anthem, ha, ha."

Joe is Jerry’s equal, however, his nasally whine perfect for the disappointment every Red Sox fan feels when "most major league second basemen would have got to that" and "Posada really nailed it; that was a no-doubter." He tolerates Trupiano like he’s letting him cheat off him in math class because he feels sorry for him.

When Nomar rips a triple down the line, however, his voice quickens, and you can almost see his eyes brighten as he strains out of the box to watch it rattle around in the corner. That monotone — a b-flat maybe? — tastes like Glenfiddich, I’d swear.

Buck, McCarver, and Fox taste like Natty Lite — something you’d go to only with no alternative. Luckily, for Red Sox fans, there is one.

Sam Pfeifle can be reached at spfeifle@phx.com