Gadgets a-go-go What to give and get the tech-head this holiday season BY JESS KILBY

It’s that time of the year again, when alt-weekly writers begin rolling out their gift guides, all the while bemoaning the crass commercialism that has overtaken this most sacred of celebrations, the winter solstice. I mean Christmas.

Well, I’ll skip the soapbox this year and get straight to the good stuff: a collection of technological goodies for every budget. Because if you have to spend your money on other people, you might as well give them cool shit.

UNDER $25

Perfect for the stocking, the office swap, the nieces and nephews, and the group of friends who promised to " keep it reasonable " this year:

Atari Classics 10-in-1 TV Games: Take a stroll down memory lane with these eight-bit loves of old. The vintage-styled joystick comes pre-loaded with 10 classic Atari games; hitch it up to your TV with the included RCA cables, pop in 4 AA batteries, and you can play Pong all night long. $19.99; www.amazon.com

Airzooka Air Gun: It took a Navy test pilot to invent this vortex-generating toy, but it’s a humble hunk of plastic that any mischievous shmuck can operate. Aim it, pull back on the elasticized air launcher, and send a ball of air across the room at your unsuspecting victim. He’ll never know what hit him. $12.95; www.airzooka.com

Desktop Light Doodler: The good folks at thinkgeek.com have best summarized this mesmerizing 3D light-sculpture toy: " Before you turn it on it’s just a ring with LEDs protruding at various points along the circumference. When you turn it on and use the dials, you are able to create hundreds of organic, rotating patterns in real time . . . Reacts to sound as well! W00t! " $24.99; www.thinkgeek.com

Olympia Soundbug: Plug this sleek little device into your walkman, mp3 player, or any music device that has a standard 3.5mm headphone jack, suction the Soundbug to a flat surface, and voila — that surface becomes an instant speaker! You can even link two Soundbugs together for stereo sound. Ahhhh, acoustics. $24.65; www.amazon.com

UNDER $50

Some people are worth a bit of a splurge. Especially if you forgot their birthday.

Electronic Bar Master: For the hostess with the mostest, this flask-shaped digital assistant lists drinks by name, type of alcohol, even the kind of glass in which the drink should be served. Bonus features: terms, measurements, drinking games, and a blood alcohol calculator. Too much fun! $29.95; www.coolstuffcheap.com , www.redenvelope.com

Infoglobe Caller ID Display: This one really needs to be seen to be appreciated, but picture this: A blue glass dome rests on a matte black base; when the phone rings, the caller’s number floats in the air inside the glass. And no mere caller-ID bot is this — the Infoglobe also displays a clock, a 100-year calendar, and programmable messages and alerts. Now you can enjoy ignoring those telemarketers even more. $47-50; thinkgeek.com, www.brookstone.com

Infrared TV Listeners: Perfect for that special somebody who likes to watch the tube while you sleep . . . or read . . . or try to hear yourself think. The cushioned headphone set communicates wirelessly with the TV from up to 33 feet away and has its own volume and power control. Also comes with several adapters for use with a variety of TV and audio sources. $50; www.brookstone.com

$100+

If you’re still a big spender in this economy, drop me a line and I’ll send you my personal wish list. Otherwise, choose one of these shiny baubles for your nearest and dearest tech geek and buy Airzookas for the rest of your giftees. They’ll have a blast. (Har har. Sorry.)

Mathmos Space Projector: From the people who brought you the original Lava Lamp, way back in 1963, comes this trippy toy. The oil wheel is available in either blue/green or red/violet, and the projector casts a Pucci-like, morphing image of up to 1.5 meters (hey, they’re a British company — do your own conversions) on a wall or ceiling. Works best in dim light, natch, and includes its own power transformer. $119.00; www.thinkgeek.com

Floating Message Alarm Clock: Yes, we here at " Technophilia " like things that float, as you may have gathered. This stylish silver clock flashes a set of eight LEDs faster than your eye can see (16 times per second, since you asked), creating the illusion that the time, date, and your customizable message are floating above the clock. It’s got a 100-year calendar, it automatically adjusts to Daylight Saving Time, and, of course, it has a snooze button. But be warned: this snoozer goes off every five minutes. How barbaric! $100; www.brookstone.com .

Ambient Orb: Have we saved the best for last? Well, maybe the most fanciful. Made of frosted glass and a bit bigger than your average grapefruit, the Orb plugs into the wall and is instantly connected to a proprietary wireless network that blankets 90 percent of the country (including, phew, Portland). The Orb’s sole function is to change color according to the information it receives. The Dow Jones is up? Green. Down? Red. Keep the Orb on your desktop and you can quit checking your stocks every five minutes, especially if you customize the Orb to your own portfolio. You can also track the weather, the pollen count, the presence of your online buddies, and — Orb’s latest offering — the latest political polls. $149; www.ambientdevices.com

Jess Kilby can be reached at jesskilby@yahoo.com