DIY ringtones Don’t be an asshole BY JESS KILBY

Customized cell-phone ringtones are the new black. So trendy have the musical snippets become that they now have their own ratings chart, published twice a month by Music Week magazine. And there’s gold in them thar bleeps: The San Jose Mercury News reports that ringtones are a $3-billion global market, expected to reach the $140-million mark in the US by year’s end.

What this means for the average person is a splitting headache. Nearly everybody has a cell phone, and nearly all cell-phone users leave their ringers on when they go out in public. Unfortunately, most ringtones suck. Whether we’re talking about one of the dozen or so tones pre-installed on a typical phone or about a pricey aftermarket rendering of the latest Top 40 turd, there’s little originality in the disturbingly lucrative ringtone market. And yet business is booming, a fact made that much more remarkable when one realizes that most ringtones cost upwards of $1.99 and are only good for 30 days.

But the Internet has always been a subversive call and response between capitalism and socialism, and the commercial ringtone market is finally getting its open-source reply. So whether you’re looking to compose MIDI ringtones for an older cell phone or wishing you could convert your own mp3 and wav files into ringers for your shiny new polyphonic handset, it’s likely a free or cheap solution is out there. Here are a few places to start:

XINGTONE

What it is: software download.

What it costs: $14.95.

What it does: Lets you create a ringtone of 30 seconds or less from any mp3, wav, midi, or CD audio file on your hard drive, then upload the file to a Xingtone Web site and send the URL to your phone as a text message. Go to the URL from your phone’s WAP browser, download the clip, and the ringer is yours for free for as long as you want to use it. An unlimited number of files can be edited once you buy the software.

Compatible carriers: Sprint, AT&T, Cellular One, T Mobile, Cingular.

Web site: xingtone.com.

POLYPHONICWIZARD.COM

What it is: software download.

What it costs: $19.95.

What it does: Lets you create a ringtone from any MIDI file on your hard drive, then uploads the file to a Web site. Go to the URL from your phone’s WAP browser, download the clip, and the ringer is yours for free for as long as you want to use it. An unlimited number of files can be edited; software includes trimming feature.

Compatible carriers: unclear.

Web site: polyphonicwizard.com.

3GUPLOAD

What it is: Web-based storage "locker" for your own files, and access to fee-based downloads.

What it costs: free to join and upload your own files, pay to download their ringers and other content.

What it does: Creates a space for you to send sound and image files, and provides online software with which to make those files compatible with your cell phone. Navigate to your locker’s URL through your phone’s WAP browser and download your files. (Note: Ringtones must already be in a ringtone-compatible file format.)

Compatible carriers: Sprint, AT&T, T Mobile, Cingular.

Web site: 3gupload.com.

CONVERTYOURTONE

What it is: software download.

What it costs: free for software download, per-call fee for SMS service or toll number to transfer file to phone.

What it is: software to compose monophonic ringtones for Nokia phones, messaging service to send tones to your phone.

Web site: convertyourtone.com.

Your own ringtones are better than Jay-Z any day. But the backlash market is still young, and as in any nascent industry the crooks have yet to be sorted from the carpenters. So with these and any other online services you may encounter, be sure to scrutinize the fine print. The Terms of Service on 3gupload, for example, contains some fairly suspect language around credit card billing and usage of your contact information. If a site sketches you out, leave. Your instincts are probably right.

Also, don’t expect wonders from the sound quality of your homemade ringtones. To some extent, you do get what you pay for — and without some intermediate sound-editing skills your tones may sound a bit muddy. The most common recommendation on DIY message boards is to first work with the file in an audio-editing program like Sound Forge, where you can lower the first three equalizer bars to zero and basically kill the bass.

Though pay-to-play content providers have their panties in a wad over these new DIY ringtone options, it’s likely the suits will see little success in court. (Or so we can hope.) So embrace the brave new world of homemade ringers, and please, be creative. I want to hear your phone fart, sneeze, and laugh. I want to hear the waves crash and the rain fall. I want to hear your grandfather singing you a lullaby. Pull out the old home movies, travel with a mini-recorder, listen for the more unconventional bits of your favorite songs. If we’re going to be surrounded by each other’s noises, let’s at least make the world a more interesting place.

Jess Kilby can be reached at jesskilby@yahoo.com