SOX-YANKS HAIKU A calm before the storm BY MIKE MILIARD

These are trying times. These are teeth-gnashing, fist-clenching, chest-tightening, nail-biting, hair-tearing, floor-pacing times. The Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees meet once again this weekend in a series that may well decide which team advances to the playoffs and which one goes home. Whatever the outcome, there will be stress, and lots of it. But such tension is harmful and debilitating. Better to clear the mind and calm the spirit. So herewith, the Red Sox–Yankees rivalry, rendered in the crystalline simplicity of Japanese lyric verse. Zen. Be the ball.

Bucky Dent retired

"Mystique" and "Aura" are myths

They’ve got nothing left

Our mustaches are

Infinitely cooler than

Their pitcher’s mullet

Giambi on juice?

It’s normal to have a neck

Thicker than one’s head

Johnny Damon has

A left arm that might fall off,

But Bernie’s a corpse

Manny is Manny

But it is also true that

Womack is Womack

After this series

Joe Torre will be fired

Hire Costanza

Bellhorn cut his hair

It didn’t change the fact that

He still cannot hit

I’m dying to see

Billy Crystal cry again

Yeah, really, I am

The Standells could kick

Liza Minnelli’s large rump

Any given day

Email your own Red Sox–Yankees haiku to letters@phx.com — and check out the Sox Blog.