In case of emergency Send it back -- but know what you asked for BY ANDY KING

Sending a plate of food back to the kitchen to be fixed always has been a great fear of mine. Not because I don’t think I am correct in the act of sending the plate back, but because dinner out should be an experience free from stress, disappointment, and the inevitable anger that glowers from the kitchen when the offending plate is presented to the cook or chef. It tears me apart, having been on both sides of the swinging door, but it is an act that holds more significance than most diners realize.

Even in this great food town of Portland, there are certain restaurants out there that, consciously or not, dish out meals that should cost half of what they charge. Most of the offenders aren’t sociopathic, they’re just those folks for whom the food industry isn’t really about food, it’s about having a restaurant. Frankly, anyone with a good appetite and real love of food can spot these places right when walking through the door. (And before you ask, I’m not going to list a bunch of them here. That would be gauche. If either of my two long-time readers is present — Hi, mom! — you’ll know who I’m talking about.)

On the other side of the coin, even the best restaurants in the world are capable of screwing a plate up — although the cooks would probably point their hairless fingers at the servers. Those chefs need to be informed of problems as well.

Ken, the imposing sous chef at Fore Street, explained it this way: "To be honest, a cook is going to be pretty pissed at any plate that comes back to the kitchen. But the bottom line is if the diner’s not happy, the plate should come back."

David Iovino, chef/owner of Blue Spoon, agrees. "It’s a service industry. You just have to accommodate."

These are the responses you want to hear, and the things real-deal cooks or chefs feel about unsatisfied customers. Iovino’s policy also includes comping the plate if the diner still seems miffed by whatever error was made. Most places balk at doing this, but it shows you the better end of the spectrum of the better restaurants out there.

So if we’re working under the assumption that you try to go to restaurants that really care about the food, places at which you might have had excellent experiences before, you can expect to have a decent experience sending food back. Remember, though, cooks like being told they’ve messed up about as much as anyone else (less, actually, especially when they’re three tables in the weeds and suddenly realize they need a med-well ribeye on the fly), so someone’s getting the heat.

It’s your loyal server! If you have to send food back, and you know it’s not the server’s fault, try to throw a couple more bucks into the tip at the end because you know they took a bullet for you back there.

But here’s the deal: If you’re going to hold restaurants to high standards — and by all means, hold every restaurant to the standard at which it presents itself; a bar should serve decent fries as much as Hugo’s should serve decent confit — you have to educate yourself as to what you want and what you like, and order appropriately.

That might sound either snotty or obvious, but I don’t think you’d really be surprised if you knew how often people send back perfectly prepared food just because they thought they were getting something else. Ask, ask, ask. That’s what your server is for, and at nicer restaurants they’ve been trained and quizzed on everything on the menu. Don’t be the diner who — true story — sent back the Heirloom Green Zebra Tomatoes with Sea Salt and Olive Oil because she wanted red tomatoes. And then she sent back the place twice more to remove both the salt and the oil. Cooks hate this diner — heck, everyone hates this diner.

Chef Iovino sums it up nicely, "Just know what you want before you order."

The cooks, chefs, and owners of the best restaurants open their doors expressly interested in serving you to your liking, and at the end of the dinner, you get a fat bill for their efforts. The last thing anyone wants is the patrons to feel like the number at the bottom of the check didn’t equal the time spent at the table. So know what you like, and if you sense something awry, politely explain and send it back.

Let’s keep each other in check.

QUICK TIP: If you’re going to an expensive restaurant that has a well-established tradition of serving fantastic food, don’t ask to switch out menu items. The chef has spent many hours pairing flavors on the plate, and that’s what you’re paying for. Think you can do better? Cook at home.

Andy King can be reached at dinnerwithandy@yahoo.com