EDITORS' PICKS - FOOD

BEST BALLS
Have you ever felt strangely addicted to something? We can't drive by Wicked Pulp during business hours without stopping in to get a quick fix. My weakness? "Energy Balls," golf ball-sized concoctions of: honey, oats, raisins, coconut, wheat germ, peanut butter, and cordyceps all rolled into gushy, mushy balls. Sounds wholesome and tasty until the cordyceps throws you off, right? Well . . . that's where the ball earns its name. Cordyceps is a fungus found in the Far East with an energizing effect for people - like the Chinese women's track and field team who swear by its properties. Increased activity levels, improved mood, improved vision and . . . drum roll please . . . enhanced sexual stamina are just a few of the fungus's positive attributes (we've tested them, over and over again). In any case these homemade delights are incredible. The smooth and rough textures of the ingredients combine with just the right touch of rich sweetness, and make for a filling and cheap hit-the-spot snack at just .85 cents a pop. Also try the "Monkey Biz Balls": an immune-system booster made up of peanut butter, banana chips, honey, walnuts, oats, milk chocolate, and host defense. And while you're there, peruse the books for sale on medicinal mushrooms to learn more about these intriguing dietary supplements.
Wicked Pulp is located at 52 Washington Avenue, in Portland | 207.347.4517

BEST CHILDHOOD PLEASURE
The stuff we ate as kids remains vastly underrated in the culinary world. Tater tots? Totally delicious - but never to be found on a restaurant menu. What, like some wizard chef couldn't make the best friggin' tater tots you ever tasted? Maine potatoes, spiced with locally grown chiles, fried up in, say, duck fat? Um, Duck Fat, you listening? A good variation on your delicious french fries (or Frittes, whatever you call them) we think. Popsicles, grilled cheese, bananas and peanut butter, cottage cheese and apples - any number of simple foods go utterly overlooked. But we know where to find a good peanut butter and jelly sandwich when we want one, that's for sure. The Old Port Sandwich Shop actually has that baby on the menu ($3.50) and they do it any way you like. Our personal favorite involves toasted white bread, standard creamy peanut butter (though it's not Jif), and strawberry jam. Ho boy! Pair that with some curly fries and a chocolate milk and you've got yourself some serious comfort food. Best is in the summer, when you can take that meal out in a paper bag that will remind you of bringing your lunch to school and seat yourself right out front of the shop in Post Office Park. If you're lucky, some silly children's band will be playing on a Thursday - Tangletoons, maybe - and the mood is utterly complete. Beware: The toasting takes a while and you'll have to wait, but it's soooo worth it.
The Old Port Sandwich Shop is located at 89 Market Street, in Portland | 207.773.9078

BEST PULP
In the world of juice, there are three magic words that separate the good from the bad: "not from concentrate." You can hear those words, chanted by paper cartons lining refrigerated shelves of the grocery store, if you listen closely to the buzz of fluorescent lights. "Not from concentrate. Not from concentrate."
The drink menu at Restaurant Oolong is rather en-chanted.
Oolong's cocktails are made with fresh juices squeezed right behind the large round bar you can see from Commercial Street. Lemons, limes, oranges, and grapefruits are squeezed daily and added to pretty, interesting "elixirs, libations, and tasty potations" on Oolong's impressive list of drink offerings. It includes classics like the Mai Tai and the Mainer's favorite, Dark and Stormy, as well as cleverly named originals like Down Goes Fraser (think Mohammed Ali - made with Hangar Fraser Raspberry and sparkling wine) and Martina Louise (think Gilligan's Island - a ginger martini). A must-try is the Vietnamese Coffeetini, served martini style with Three Olives Vanilla, Kahlua, and a splash of Tia Maria shaken with freshly brewed and chilled Vietnamese espresso. It's the perfect power-lunch cocktail with a kick.
Oolong's drink menu goes on to include cold sake, more than 15 wines by the glass from places like Spain and Portugal, and varietal hot teas steeped with a bouquet of options like peony, rose or the bright pink amaranth flower.
Magical and aesthetically pleasing, Oolong's drink menu has the best pulp. Pulp up your wallet at the ATM on the way there though. Cocktails range from $7 to $11.
Restaurant Oolong is located at 100 Commercial Street in Portland | 207.775.6569

BEST HUNK OF FLESH
If you're going to get a sandwich, you might as well get a Sandwich. Don't get a wrap, or a chef's salad, or any of those other sandwich wannabes. Get something meaty. Get something with meat. Get something with so much meat you kind of feel bad for the three animals who had to die to feed you. Go to the Full Belly Deli. Order a Pastrami on Rye and watch the fuck out! The thing comes out exactly as advertised: pastrami, on rye. Sure, there's a bit of mustard on there, and maybe some swiss cheese, but there's so much pastrami (how many pastramis were killed for this sandwich? We have no idea) that these extra ingredients are swallowed in a sea of pink flesh. You know the sandwich is great when you have to actually take it apart to eat it. You couldn't fit your mouth around this thing if you wanted to. Of course, that's not the only thing Full Belly does well. They've got all kinds of Jewish wonders like you could only normally find someplace in New York City. Knishes to die for. Briskets for your baskets. Potato pancakes! If you haven't dipped a potato pancake in applesauce and sour cream in the last month, you're totally depriving yourself of one of the finest pleasures known to human kind. Though you might want to bring your heart medicine.
The Full Belly Deli is located at 1060 Brighton Avenue, in Portland | 207.772.1227

BEST WAKEUP CALL
When you wake up, you want at least one of two things: sex and caffeine (assuming you're too old and professional for a wake n' bake session). We prefer to have sex, then caffeine, but clearly, we aren't getting laid. We must search for a higher level of satisfaction in our caffeine intake: the orgasmic breakfast, if you will.
We've been to all the coffee shops in town. We've upgraded our morning coffee from one to two shots of espresso. When we were tired of drinking our caffeine, we switched to munching on espresso beans. That's gourmet shit! Where do we go for a more satisfying caffeine intake? Soffritos's Chocolate Espresso dessert is the hook up. First of all, it's huge. If you had a partner, you could share it. Secondly, between the espresso, chocolate, and sugar, you will be zinging for the entire day (that is until you build up a tolerance and the zing lasts only through lunch).
Besides the caffeine fix, the dessert is sinfully good. There is layer upon layer of chocolaty bliss. Mixed in somewhere is the cakey espresso. As if it couldn't get any better, there are sliced strawberries and whip cream hugging the cake. Sweet mercy, it's better than sex! Oh god! Yes . . . oh, yes! OHHH YES!
Soffrito Creative Italian is located at 29 Wharf Street in Portland | 207.253.8001

BEST EXCUSE FOR A LATE LUNCH
Summertime in Maine: Does anyone actually work? Here at the Phoenix, we don't even try calling anyone after noon on Friday. It's pointless. Every able-bodied person in the state has already skipped out to the beach, their lake house, or just the six-pack they've got waiting in the fridge at home. And then there's Red Sox lunch, that late afternoon dead period where you could probably rob every business office in Portland without setting off an alarm. See, about 10 times a summer, the Sox play what's called a "getaway" game, where, because they're leaving the next day for a long road trip, what would normally be a midweek night game is actually played at 1 pm. Heaven forbid anyone miss a minute of the action. Our favorite haunt is Rivalries, on Cotton Street, just off Fore, where we can't seem to find a single seat that doesn't face a television screen showing the Sox. The personal pan pizzas are perfect game-day slop, the requisite buffalo wings are on the menu, and the nachos will do in a pinch. But get there early. The place is usually totally packed by the first pitch, and only by the seventh inning or so does the place start to empty. Best part? Stonecoast's Knuckleball Bock is on special every game day, for only $2 a pint. Ah, sweet summer, you're far too short.
Rivalries is located at 10 Cotton Street, in Portland | 207.774.6044

BEST BREAKFAST JOINT
Wake n' Bakery, on Route 302 - known to the college crowd as the Wake n' Bake - recently moved closer to Portland (maybe even into Portland; we're not much for geography) and all the better for us. It's open all day on Thursday through Saturday (till 4 pm on Sunday through Wednesday), so you can grab some breakfast well into the evening, and let's just say they carry the restaurant's name right on through their entire aesthetic: The Hippie Scrambler, Rasta Wrap, and Good Karma Toast are just a few of the fun selections which make the Wake n' Bakery so unique. They offer an enormous variety of breakfast foods, wraps, soups, and salads - so you can do a lunch thing, too. You can even choose from a long list of wine and beers and start your drink-a-day as early as 7 am.
Plus, you can't miss the place. They may have moved locations, but they didn't change that purple-and-orange color scheme, possibly designed to attract hungry extra-terrestrials. And once you're there, take a glance at the glass selection. They can blow some mean colors into some cool shapes, and their trinkets and baubles make the perfect gift for your high-school-aged relative or friend. So wake and eat what they've waked and baked.
The Wake n' Bakery and Glass Emporium is located at 597 Bridgton Road, in Westbrook (okay, so not Portland, oh well) | 207.797.7344

BEST COLLECTION OF CALVIN & HOBBES
For a while, a place that combined superb burritos, fantastic smoothies, and Calvin & Hobbes was just a fantasy of ours. Then we found Herb's Gulley, tucked down in the little alley way that is Oak Street. The moment you step in the door your senses are delighted; the sweet aroma of fresh basil and hot peppers lingers between the vibrant red-and-orange walls. Bob Dylan serenades you as you ponder their tantalizing menu options. For $3.75 you can get what is called the "Spare Change," a monster of a burrito filled with beans, rice, cheese, and homemade salsa. A staff favorite is the Sweet Mary Jane, an amazing blend of fresh basil, garlic, and sweet potato on top of the usual beans, rice, spinach, salsa, and cheese for just six dollars.
While waiting for your fine food, there is a large collection of Trivial Pursuit and Movie Trivia cards for your entertainment. But obvious questions like "How many testicles did Adolf Hitler have?" (Answer: two) and "Who is buried in Grant's Tomb?" (Hmm, could it be Grant?) leave us cold. We encourage you to notice a small drawer in the table, open it, and be delighted and surprised to find a Calvin & Hobbes compilation sitting there, waiting to be savored.
Newspapers all over the country are bringing the infectious duo back into syndication this month, so it's time to reacquaint yourselves (or acquaint yourselves for the first time, youngin's) with the best comic strip that never sold a single licensed piece of merchandise. Thanks to Herb's Gully, you have the chance. The tough part will be mastering the art of maneuvering your burrito (roughly the size of a dinosaur egg) and reading the strip at the same time. We're confident that with practice it will come.
Herb's Gulley is located at 55 Oak Street, in Portland | 207.780.8080

BEST CHEAP DATE
Tony's Donuts, on Bolton Street off of outer Congress, has been dipping yummy, priced-to-move donuts in boiling oil since 1965. One of only a handful of hand-cut donut shops remaining in Maine, Tony's was founded by Antonio Fournier, a donut-obsessed Italian who ran two donut shops in Portland before settling into Tony's 40 years ago. Sadly, Antonio passed away this past August, but his children still oversee the cutting and frying of about 300 dozen old-school donuts a day. Like a lot here, the old family recipe hasn't changed, says Tony's son Rick Fournier. Just don't ask for any ingredient secrets - they could tell you, but, well, you know. If you're in the neighborhood, drop by. A visit to Tony's doesn't cost much - donuts here are priced at 70 cents; a 10 ounce cup of Joe is one dollar. We're partial to the molasses glazed donut, with real molasses, that Rick himself developed about a decade ago. But, shocker, the young Fournier says the real big seller here is the regular plain donut. Ah, city by the sea, you're so old fashioned.
For those of you looking to charm someone on pocket change, Tony's stays open for thrifty dates until 8 pm every night except for Wednesday and Friday, when they close at 7 pm. Why Wednesday and Friday? No clue.
Tony's Donuts is located at 9 Bolton Street, in Portland | 207.772.2727

BEST NO-JOKE LUNCH
For some of us, there's just no substitute for the king: Henry VIII's, in Monument Square, appeals to a certain percentage of us who just can't deal without a big helping of the roast beef (sometimes grossly referred to as the hot beef injection - sorry). A big favorite among us reprobates is the Court Jester, a boatload of roast beef, smothered in mushrooms, onions, thyme, and sherry wine gravy, all on a garlic buttered roll for a measly $5.95. Holy crap is it good. Sometimes, we eat two in a day. Sometimes, we pretend like we've got appointments in Monument Square just so we can go gazing by the plate-glass window and watch the guys in whites do the slicing and dicing. We're sort of drooling right now just thinking about it. With potato chips. And maybe a Mountain Dew. If that doesn't sound good to you, we'll just have to assume you're some kind of vegetarian. Or worse: a vegan! Just like everybody else in this damn Phoenix office.
Henry VIII's is located at 15 Monument Square, in Portland | 207.780.8889

BEST SAUSAGE FEST
Churches are some of the best places to hit up for hearty, inexpensive meals and equally robust familial conversation. For those of you who love a good hunk of meat, there's no better place to scarf down some chill-defeating sausage then the St. Louis Church's annual Christmas Dinner. St. Louis, on Danforth Street, is the state's only Polish Roman Catholic Church. In keeping with the spirit of the old country, the dinner features the Polish pork sausage Kielbasa - a product which the church has specially made according to parishioners' recipes by a Polish vendor in Massachusetts. Yep, the St. Louis parishioners are so dedicated to sausage they send one of their own to the Boston area to bring back cases of the stuff so they can pay homage to the JC properly.
The Christmas dinner is usually held during the first weekend after New Year's and the menu has stayed pretty much the same for decades - mashed potatoes, coffee, mixed vegetables, sauerkraut and cabbage, homemade dessert, and plenty of Kielbasa. For those of you who weren't raised with tales of Vilna and airy reminiscences about the old Polish neighborhood on Salem Street, Kielbasa is a mildly spiced sausage which comes in either a white (boiled) version or a red (smoked) version. It's prepared simply and served with salt. You want more spices? Go to the Italian Heritage Center. But if, znajomy, you want old fashioned comfort food, head to St. Louis. Tickets are cheap (around $10 a piece) and there are plenty of grandparents in attendance to make sure you go up for seconds, even if you really, truly are full. So clean your plate, you're looking thin lately.

BEST WAY TO START A DAY OFF
The key ingredients for a delicious day off from work are, no doubt, margaritas and salt. They just make the day better (and pass by quickly, if that's what you're going for).
The concept of wasting the day away with Margaritas goes back even further than Jimmy Buffet. Though the drink's origin is widely disputed, some people say there's a woman to blame. One of the most popular claims traces the mixer back to Margarita Sames, in 1948. In this tale, the popular socialite created the drink at a poolside Christmas party in Acapulco. Another well-circulated legend involves a showgirl named Marjorie King, who, quite strangely, was allergic to all hard liquor except tequila. Carlos Herra, a bartender at Rancho La Gloria in Rasarita Beach, Mexico, where she visited sometime in the 1930s, fixed her a special tequila cocktail, allegedly naming it after the Spanish translation of her name.
Another story dates back to 1942, when a bartender named Pancho Morales supposedly could not remember the ingredients in a magnolia drink, substituted, and named the drink after the daisy instead. Still another involves a bartender named Red Hinton, who is said to have named the drink after his deceased girlfriend, Margarita Mendez, who died in bar crossfire.
Whether it arrived via party or pain, the drink is here, and Mesa Verde has a long straw in it. Its happy hour begins just when you roll out of bed at 2 pm, and features house margaritas for $3.95 and a dollar off all other drinks. Good margaritas are important, but cheap margaritas are a necessity.
Mesa Verde is located at 618 Congress Street, in Portland | 207.774.6089